Rough Draft - "Bob the Clown"

Here's the beginnings of a weird story. This evolved from my previous post titled "The Time Traveler."

"Bob the Clown"

“We’re going to have to ask you to leave our campus, sir,” a strange woman in neon pink and a pixie cut said to an even stranger man, dressed as a clown. Sort of.

“WE ARE NOT GOING ANYWHERE,” the clown said, picking up his cherry plum nose off the ground and adhering it to his sweaty face. His make-up was smeared from the August heat and his wig was falling off. What a mess.

“I’m going to have to call campus security,” the woman said, and I caught a flash of her name tag. She was the dean of students at this university.

“Look, man, I’m here because clowns are not respected in our society,” the clown said. “This is a protest.”

“I hate clowns,” I finally said. I noticed that no one had noticed me up until now. I suddenly felt more naked than I was, and, well, I was pretty naked, sporting only a backpack, tight shorts, and some running shoes. The university had the best gym that I could get in for free, and the girls were pretty hot, too. #gymrat

“Don’t clowns eat children?”

This visibly upset the frustrated clown. “Who said that? That’s just in the movies, man. That is why we’re here. To change the way our society perceives clowns, once and for all.”

“Does he know he is by himself?” I whispered to the dean of students.

“I’m calling campus security.”

“Okay.”

“CLOWN LIVES MATTER.”

“Aw, dude, that’s totally appropriating an entirely valid movement,” I told him.

“I MATTER.”

“That’s better,” I said. “I think.”

“Alright, fella,” a man from campus police said. “You gotta get lost. You’re disrupting the peace.”

Then the clown did the funniest thing I’ve ever seen a clown do. He pulled out that flower thing that all clowns have, and he used it to squirt water right in the face of the campus security officer. This surprised the officer, who started chasing after the clown, but man, was that clown fast. I knew I had to chase after him so I could ask him a few questions. He made me laugh. The first clown to ever make me laugh.

***

I found Bob the Clown on the corner of two busy streets, a couple hundred yards away from main campus. He was smoking a cigarette and crying. The rest of his makeup had all washed away. His wig was hanging at the back of his head.

“Dude, what you did back there,” I said, taking a deep breath after just having chased down this clown. “That shit was hilarious.”

“Thanks, man,” he said, fighting through teary eyes.

“What’s your name, dude?” I asked him.

“Bob,” he said. “Bob the Clown.”

“Alright, Bob the Clown. I wouldn’t usually ask this, but like, would you want to come to my party on Friday?”

The clown’s frown turned upside down. He said in a weird voice: “Is it a birthday party?”

“Don’t use that voice.”

“Is it a birthday party?” He coughed, exhaling smoke into my face.

“No, it’s a college party.”

“I’ve never performed at a college party before,” Bob the Clown said. There was something in his eyes that suggested that I should probably retract my offer. But this was exactly what I needed to impress my friends after what happened last semester that got me expelled.

“Great,” I said. “I’ll see you on Friday. 9 o’clock.”

Bob the Clown just smiled at me, his cigarette hanging out of his mouth. As I walked away from him, he never stopped staring. What a guy. This party was going to be amazing. Bob the Clown would be a hit with everyone. I just knew it.